d bearings of a confused mind..

D story goes bck to 1986 A.D. freezing winter…a small cabin in GMC…whr a confused mind wid lil to do sees d light of d sun.. she smiles n then cries leaving every1 into fenzy.. oops the same story goes on till now…

Being a single child s a bliss…u can ask 4 nethng n everything…wid every stone ur dad lays…u r sure dat its gonna b urs.. huh dnt bother bout this hard work or his efforts…after all everythng he does s for u… ma n deta still celebrate my b’day wid so much enthusiasm… even I do…n y not I was born intelligent…destined to be famous… but u see d great minds r nt stable enough…remember Leonardo d vinci…he foraged into all sorts of thngs ..aristole-the father of every x,y,z kinda studies…

N me… I could b d next aristotle or da vinci…herez some insights-

i ll start 4m 10th standard 2002-2003.. coz before dat i dreamt so many dreams dat i hardly remember them..

Classx:loved physics…I wanted to b an astronaut…my mom was so proud of me… she dreamt of me becoming d nxt kalpana chawla…I was so fond of her..i hv joined a community in orkut too…thnks orkut n its communities.. it z now d inn status symbol of gen x..d more hap(shorter 4 happening) communities u join…the more hap u r..

Classxi:dreamt of studying literature.. I thought myself to b the nxt rushdie..u see tender mind tender thoughts… my dreamz shattered.. ur parents r docs n u gotta b a doc too!

Classxii: I wanna be an engineer..naa naa…its not NITs u see..m destined to be in iits.. hell got loose…soon mid terms followed..realized my potential in mathe-da-matics n determined myself…a docs daughter hs gotta b a doc only…never seen my parents smiling so happily wen I mentioned this to dm..

Past classxii..entrance tym: flunked badly in d entrances… hw d hell I cld nt clear it… I got letter marks in bio… wot if I was relishing my new found dream of studyng in delhi univ before my entrance..i was busy in my newly gifted computer d whole day.. wot if I spent day dreaming of becoming an ias one day.. (I even prepared d speech for my ias felicitatn ceremony)…I was destined to b a doc..let it b…I gve u a damn!

It was always delhi univ for me… from d day my cousin went to U.S …he was a DU pass out u see… n thr s a popular notion dat every x,y,z who cnt clear medical entrance..studies zoology…***k u man…its completely my choice… hw I cherish d zoology classes in sibsagar college… its my dream..i ll go 4 higher studies u see… abroad!! U ll see me smiling n sendng pics of beautiful sceneries 4m west…

D only dream of mine to b fulfilled…DU..D gr8 DRC…as if it mattersIT being a grls coll.. huh.. its 3yrs buddy n I ll b off to sme foreign land studyng biotech..(another dream)… shattered again…it proved to b as disastrous as my maths paper…3 yrs of zoology made me forget all..***k u all…dnt ever utter d word bio. before me…

2007… :u see MBA s r d in thng …go 4 CAT buddy…u see u r a gr8 manager…a born leader…HEY its not me who says so…every1 says it…. Yup m gng to drop a yr n prepare 4 it..i ll crack iims.. m so happy ..yes this s it… mom dad r u thr…. Y r u mum… dnt b... chillx ..its cool dude.. mba s r cool…dnt wry…u jst keep track of ur expences….

Present date: so here I m… its 5 am… just a month away 4D GR8 BATTLE OF CAT 08..n m still confused…..dreaming of becoming the gr8st blogger till date… mom dad u thr… my bday s on 5th dec…v ll hv a party ok!!

2.30 am

2.30 am… so m bck to my very dear time slot… its really special…I cn feel smethng at dis very hour… it was once …mean during my grad days.. a usual thng.. to wake up till the wee hours.. but being a drop –out now…a 'bekar' cat aspirant…n a part of lakhs of wannabes… it makes me feel awkward as well as happy too…. Coz its d gr8st satisfactn I find ….to b myself…to express myself in words…

my biggest regret will always be not havng enough of word stock...like the fellow bloggers do….i always run sort of words… the only thng m surving on is may be the emotional quotient…. Wot chetan bhagat specializes in… hey hold on …m nt by ne way comparing myself to him… whoff..!!

I ll always cherish this time…my very own 2.30 am…its d only tym of the entire day I feel to b completely occupied wid me…. Wid no 1 nearby….i enjoy this moment of solitude…thnks to Microsoft word too…

its all dark..a breeze of cool air blowing thru d right window…it’s a bliss!!

positivity sans negativity

“Words…n words I only have”…

Goes well with me...As n average Indian words n only words is wot I possess

Its Sunday…n m privileged to occupy my Sunday mornings with d weekly articles of shobha de, shashi tharoor,swaminathan iyer et al…courtesy the TOI..d Sunday TOI is in vast contrast to their gossip supplements..

..I hv to admit one thng 4 sure… I used to get carried away by the so cld thought provoking articles ( they r intended to be thought provoking or why else wld a person write) some years bck… but wid their increasng no. of articles m also maturing wid age I guess…(hopefully so!! )

For All of them, except shashi tharoor, I find d so cld positivity thng missing in their articles.. why does all of their articles is subjectd for bashing up each n every thng dats d the billions of this positiveness seeking middle class cherishes…

Let me begin with d case of our very own gold finder abhinav bindra.. wen all of us r still sinking in his glory.. d gr8 journos r up with arms.. frankly speaking wot is his fault.. -dat he is a billionaire n is foreign educated…n dat he is not underpriviledged n his family does not live below povetry line.. does that take away his credentials…

Y does ronaldo ,federer still sweat it out in d open wen they have earned so much dat their cming generations need nt hv to worry bout nethng…same goes wid bindra..cnt we respect him 4 wot he has done 4 d country…cnt we respect him 4 his dedication…n respect him 4 he is a fighter who has even defeated his career threatening injury..

I dnt knw whether he basks in individual glory or d country…nor does u… d only thing we knw s dat he has given this country something…whch u n me havent…ok its jst 1 gold..but haven’t u seen dat this 1 gold has atleast seen India’s name shining ahead rest of d countries..

I agree wid shobha dey once only wen she says wots d point of maharastra payng 10 lakhs to Bindra…same goes wid assam offering him d same sum… wots d point dear ministers.. he s already a billionaire… instead u cld hv done a lot for d actually underpriviledged ones.(.if I begin counting d avenues it wld make even kumbhkaran wake up…) Actually my point is dat if u so badly wanted to congratulate dis goldfinder…gve him d respect…gve him national honour..dats all he needs not ur money sir..!

ABOUT MITHYA,RAINCOAT et al

It is not that late, unusual for me to pen down my thoughts at this point of time.But as I am not well, it gives me a pleasant relief from d mind juggling paper readings.

It seriously has to be a boring new year, boring because I judge a year by the movies that releases. As till that time no good movies in the theaters. So this weekend I went for Mithya, honestly, going by the credentials of Mr.Rajat Kapoor I had quite some expectations..

Mithya was really good.It reminded me of Rituporno Ghosh genre of movies. What's the speciality of these kind of movies is yet to b discovered by m,but these movies imprint an ever-lasting impression on me. It is not wen I see d movie I feel d difference, but its the post movie effect,as i call it, which stays!

Mithya reminded me of Raincoat, not the best of Rituporno Ghosh but Raincoat was one of the "best amongst the under-rated Hindi movies" This is one movie that is still with me, I can still feel its moments-the rainy afternoon, the subdued conversations between the two protagonists, the love they bore for each other...It is like W.Wordsworth's poem "the solitary reaper"

...As if her song could have no ending;
I saw her singing at her work,
And o'er the sickle bending;--
I listened, motionless and still;
And, as I mounted up the hill
The music in my heart I bore,
Long after it was heard no more.

How I love this poem.

It is sad to see the response for such movies, specially in Delhi, I mean the audience reception.

Now coming back to Mithya, acting,direction,story spot on. It is the last scene where Ranvir Shorey remembers Neha Dhupia’s name is one of d best climaxes I have seen in recent times. As I said, it will probably be engraved in my cinematic memory forever

It reminds me of some ones blog where it emphasised on Hindi movies' fascination for happy endings,though it makes us feel happy after the movie, but it still somewhere doesn't manage to create that ever-lasting impact. It somehow loses some shine of  it. Did someone say Schindler's list!

it all changed dat way

there wasnt any rain that day...but still the day was gloomy.... for the first time in my lyf i felt lyk smethng dat i never experienced before...i wasnt left out...i wasnt secondary for someone...

it changed me...myself,my outlook toward lyf,m no longer a coward now...it changed me for i was a dormant volcano waiting for years to burst out... to burst out for everything i wished i lost... for humiliation i was offered... for the pain i suffered..

for no one remember nething...it was me who lost everything...

no one stood by me ...it was me only...for i was nothing for them...nothing except a piece for humiliation...a commodity...


if it would hv nt rained that day...i would have been lost somewhere...lost forever!

meh

D morning tea-wid d daily dose of my news paper-my fav. Sports pages-college-lectures n exhausting practicals-some gossips-bck to my room-a long chat wid ma n deta over phone-d regular adda wid my roomie-d arguments(me overpowering her always)-assignments-music that soothens me out--sleep…??…naa---my lyf starts now!

Dats typical me …. stupid,foolish,sentimental---straight,blunt n outspoken---total homesick----a born rebel…thnk to be quite socially aware,so lend my voice on everything(d victim s definitely my roomie)---a total sucker 4 romantic n slow songs—d 1st day 1st show movies—love theatre—d “nataks” at natya mandir…d bihu, d pujas,d holis, d deewalis of sivasagar ..i miss them all—luv hanging out in cp, n our fav knags-d awesome chicken rolls n momos—a total nocturnal---nnnnnnnn wot...---a failure always striving only on hope---

luv maa n deta…my family…jiya-my sis…. Where ever I go, whatever I do, I carry a little part of you all with me right here in the center of my heart. U all keep me going!!

-the most imp. thing I learnt 4m lyf s dat ppl dnt get everything in lyf-so my frnds if u think to b superior,smart n winners..so hv a right to play wid sme1s feelings…think again…lyf s not over yet..thrs more to it!!!