Thursday, November 26, 2009

Scribbled life

Scribbling down my thoughts on a new life
as i begin to
i face lots of junctures...
few to cherish ..n more to get off by
as i try to vandalise them..
i find even more of them..

blindfold me now...
u cn still not get me...
if life is a journey..
i hv travelled it somehow...
i may have been naive...
but i cn see it all now...

try not deceive me...
for i may fall prey...
but it ll be u not me..
who will lose thy faith...
u wont gain it again n again...
given chances u hv proved me wrong always....
dare not to come near by...
God i hate u ... i hate u ....

(written long time back..thought of posting it here.. )

Monday, November 9, 2009

what's on your mind?


Keeping or to say maintaining my hiatus from blogging wasn't a deliberate attempt.(i can swear on all the 'dols' and ponds of sivasagar).I stressed on maintaining because except for some tear jerker's I wasn't able to offer anything substantial. This even is not substantial at all.

The sole reason for my hiatus is - being ‘busy’. People who tend to do nothing actually turn out to be busiest of the lots. Must be wondering whose theory this is.. as obvious..Its mine. Who to expect on my blog page. May be people should give me credit for not borrowing or stealing others philosophies as I tend to make my own..though how silly they might be. I like it that way actually: to observe, relate and then philosophize. As always, exceptions prevail.

Coming back to being busy doing nothing theory, I remember my dad’s schedule… for year’s he started his day at 3 am, wake every one up from his asst. surgeons to anesthetists who assisted him in his operations; finish some 2-3 surgeries before 8’ o clock so that he could reach hospital at sharp 8’o clock…sometimes even before but never late. The sufferer was always maa of course. I and maa would sing pulak banerjee’s “paar hoi gol dhumuha ejak bhangi thoi mur poja”(meaning a cyclone just passed by ransacking my lil hut) every time dad runs down on us. If anyone developed a list stating antonyms of persons.. maa n deta would have been top of the list.mom a usual late riser, who runs late for hospital, meetings ,dinner,lunches n ever possible event. Her mornings starts with the aakashwani radio ,geetimalika ,morning tea, enjoying the morning sun, and enquiring everyone’s wellbeing on phone ..relaxed ..until she hear dad’s car horn. I wonder how maa maintains it till now... Not the relaxed bit but being late!

Coming on to dad’s schedule, his list of treating broken bones, cutting on stitches n wounds to operating every possible organ of the human body continues till 8-9 pm. But the most spectacular thing is that I never heard him saying he is tired or busy. He always managed. He took us to circuses,movies,restaurants.. most of the time me and my cousin brother in school uniforms...but who the hell cared when you have your father-your hero-doing all the bits possible for our smiles!

Being busy is something of a trait of the fellows new to the race of survival or the one’s doing nothing. i am yet not in the rat race so I gracefully fit in the later category.

Doing nothing is obviously something that no one wants to do. That is why I was busy juggling my mind to find ways to come out of the good for nothing syndrome.. Different ideas, fights inside,repentations,depressions,heart breaks n seldom hopes. Too many thins to keep a mind in place.

Apart from these ridiculous yet never ending mind scuffles I was synonymous of being on fb 24*7, updating statuses ,farming n doing other silliest things ppl do thr. But m kind of addicted to those silly things. Whatsoever I turned out to be quite a news freak in these few months of hiatus..i always was, but never was I hooked like this before. With my daily supplement of TOI,HT , I found my true solace in twitter.. neither I have to bother about changing my profile pic,nor making any acquaintances.. it only meant getting the best of views n opinions from the who’s who of the industry…from the newsroom,to the sports arena to ministries and even the film sets… when you can have vir sanghvi n rajdeep sardesai updating about all the events happening around or placing a bet on dhoni , a priety zinta or a priyanka chopra cracking silliest of the jokes to serena Williams n kim clijsters speaking their heart out!( Pure bliss! )n exchanging your ideas with the bigwigs is definitely the icing on the cake for a news geek like me!

Coming out of the virtual social hood as I say, I was following quite deeply the ruckus that is going around these past few months.. the growing menace of naxals, the regionalist vandalism, the border conflicts..so lil bit of my take on them..

we have seen n formed a decision on all these matters..no second thoughts…the naxal extremism n regionalist vandalism must end at any cost… never can one justify extremism .. but then sometimes my occasionally functional rational side of my brain works n it compels me to look at the other side of the story…

Focusing on to Jharkhand – a comparatively smaller state, mostly ignored, poverty sticken,and having one of the lowest literacy rates. but having a CM who has thousands and thousands of crores of assets-making him probably the richest of the CM s in India who was till a few years ago a mine worker.. These don’t fall into the criteria of corruption, it’s a public loot … with relief cheques bouncing ,no infrastructure n proper or non existent primary education system for a state having one of the majority of tribal population it seriously needs a rethink whom to blame for naxal menace…

Secondly, I wonder what’s so special about raj thackrey..who can beat up everyone everywhere.. Strange that we still have a fascist figure in present decade.. a fascist as someone says never fears criticism, hatred nor do mockery…so what to do with such fascism.. I kept myself in the situation for a moment.. lets say for a matter of fact if a abu azmi was in assam…n he vowed to take oath in hindi ..wouldn’t we react! When in another state u aren’t allowed n is made a mockery by a large chunk of population when u speak your regional language (once I was asked by an illiterate flat mate of mine in gurgaon leaving in one of the posh northen states that do we eat momos as our living) …why would one expect to get the royal treatment elsewhere. I am not against any language nor in support of regionalism… but when a distinguished MLA in assam legislature n his kins cant speak assamese properly ,it does anger us … when one is living in a state or a region it should respect the culture there… when u defy to break the sentiments u r bound to get the treatment…but then extremism is never a solution n raj thackrey comes from an another school of extremism..so no comments on him either!

N then there is china’s growing obsession on arunachal ptradesh n india’s equal resistance …no one asking the most ignored state what it wants! Neways I was glad with rahul gandhi’s remark on Pakistan- the way we are so obsessed with the neighbor country..who’s probably the only profound ideology proven is being anti-india..Tragic though to see it burning into flames everyday by its own harvested morons.. may be that’s the state of a nation that was formed in haste..!

N what else ? positives any?? May be the only positives I could draw was watching some great movies…from Al pacino’s godfather trilogy to all the beautiful love stories n the enigmatic cinematic brilliances .. its hard to chose between Mel Gibson and Steven Spielberg.. but then u can hardly beat a Schindler’s list!

I was desperately waiting to get out of this non existent mould and start to blog so I scribed down this . And it came because my mba entrances season kicked off and I took a lay off, my lappie is with jipi as her’s one is in black out mode and hence I have nothing to do.

Then I should be busy right? Am I contradicting my theory. But then didn’t I say “I took a voluntary lay off my mind scuffles today”.

Who said blogs need to be mind boggling every time!

Monday, May 25, 2009

life was beautiful



Life was beautiful…

Roberto benigni’s best creation…and I spoiled it by referring it in past tense…as if the evergreen movie isn’t evergreen any more.. !!

No offence wotsoever.. I just needed something to start the plot..and I couldn’t think of a better title than this one…that so very is synonymous with my present mindset..

Life was indeed beautiful… rewinding my life tape I could hardly see the traces of loneliness or for that matter emptiness… its tough to not let imaginations flow… how hard I try..how hard I try not to think of past…the wonderful unbound memoirs of different relationships keeps flashing by …relationships-most of them without any name…

The rare cordial relationships…which I couldn’t see nowhere around now.. strange faces… smiles subdued in the concrete minds..

When I see the empty walls… the rewind tapes roll again.. I remember our creative wall..the ones we called walls of democracy… the cards flashing by..the gifts hanging around.. many nostalgic photos..and numerous to-do notes…not to forget our very own jipis different passport size photo collection..which made people smile even in the time of distress…

The rewind tapes never cease to flash by… the numerous get togethes we were a part of.. the similar faces.. the ceaseless bonding..the trash talks..

the anarchy in the streets which is nowhere to be seen now… the a-z vendors… the shouts of different ppl… the maddening crowd… the rini symond voice flash sayng "this is vidhan sabha metro station...the doors will open on the left"

..late night movies...between which most of the time jipi falls asleep…n after finishing the movie I narrate her the entire plot even in her deepest sleep… n with u not here I don’t feel like watching anything…

Atri’s Friday call…his updates on new movie releases…dragging us to the silliest of movies… is all part of the rewinding tape now…
me and jipi's fight for the lappie..the nonsensical discussions concerning the virtual world... the spying and the giggles...

2314/5..the protected roof…our guardian in the time of chaos..where we witnessed the best times of our life…

Hopefully everything will be same again… with new life .. new ppl will make the life beautiful again… but the void will remain forever.. hope something would have never changed… only if I could make time static again!

Saturday, April 4, 2009

A walk to remember...

Where do I start from …where do I end in...
To start is beyond my reach n to make the end is wot I don’t want to
do… love and life…struggle and survival..learning n knowing… losing
and winning… is some of it I learnt in these four years… It s still
difficult to figure out why I love this place so much… n its equally
starring that it was once the place I hated the most… as some one puts
it so very rightfully… home is whr the heart is… its not the bricks
that makes ur home…it’s the people…n for me… Delhi is delhi for my
frnds n the wonderful ppl I met in here…
May be for so….as we started our voyage as straight out of the school
kids... n then (hopefully) maturing into individuals… independent n
dependent at the same time…
Dependent for may be every lil thing.. for sharng the fun…for having
the tinge of life one passes on to the other.. for the innumerable
stupid stories to tell.. for each n every thng  to say…. For the
bonding which is inevitable… for the love n care all of us live in…
N independent for we knw all this is gng to end … n we all will soon
hv to be the same individuals…like the same out of school kids… will
hv to find our niches again… will have to learn the art of survival…
but the bonding n the life v lived for these years will be missed all
the life… may be it is gone forever….
As its rightfully put in… all good things comes to an end…but life moves on!
Dedicated to all my friends who made my four years stay in delhi cherishable...

Friday, February 27, 2009

love...my way...


I am a terrible blogger for sure when it comes to write something on love…all this months starting from the beginning of the new year I have written almost 10-12 pieces of blogs subjected on love.. n this 10-12 is counted as 0 .50,0.25… sometimes if good luck followed it has reached to 75% completion but nothing beyond that… but I was damn adamant on it that I ll start my blogging this new year on a love note…but since nothing satisfactory was coming up I assigned myself the job of collecting sme old blogs n post them on my blogspot…something on the lines of idea cellular…so that I don’t lose on my readership…just kidding.. as I do most of the times…lets not deviate from the original topic.. I was supposed to write on love…as I wasn’t that successful in portraying this virtue. I thought of writing about some of the celluloid love stories that touched my heart..

 

Starting with the recently released Dev D …the modern day adaptation of  devdas.. I dnt know why so many people hanker after this character… n till date from what I found out dev d was the best adaptation of this novel…the classiest of the lot…pardon bimal roy’s one…coz after watching sanjay leela bhansali’s one I cldnt gather enough courage for bimal roy’s original adaptation…

 

so  going by my take on the characters I felt devdas was actually the weakest man on earth n paro the self centered one…for devdas he couldn’t love neone more than him… n why the society made him a hero is still beyond my imagination…n paro was someone so self centred n egoist that, for her.. matching the stature of the guy who dumped her was more important than salvaging her love for him… for me the third character often seen sidelined-- chandramukhi stood out of the three…the women who loved the man even when she knew that he was never going to be hers … she loved him without expecting anything from him… she found out that within that spoiled rich brat…lied a sensitive person… he wasn’t that selfish… that is the actual essence of devdas…n I loved anurag kashyap for portraying the actual soul of the novel…

 

Talking of love stories…hw can I forget raincoat…the screen adaptation of the short story  theGift of the magi…I already wrote about it in my previous blog…my blogging journey actually started from analyzing the story of raincoat…another is the heart warming story of  ajay devgan-ashwaria rai  in hum dil de chuke sanam…. Adapted from the novel ‘na –hanyate’…

 

All the three celluloid love stories are closest to my heart….don’t know why whenever I think of love I think of them…for me love is like these stories...unconditional…yet not-taken for granted… unselfish…sacrificing… loving the other even when one knows that they are never gonna be together…

 Being  loved.. n being in love ..is definitely two different things..but cn one actually be in love without being loved ..

 Here I shift my focus to i… the ever prodigal i…….the ever prodigal u…

 

Is this wot u call love wen I say the every beep of my cell makes me think of you..

Is this love wen I can see u when I thnk of u..

Is this love wen I feel being in love with you is the most stupidest thing to do …but still I cant help but to love you..

Is this wot u call love when I try hard to avoid ur glares but everytime I try... I am caught by you..

 Is this love…when I dnt knw what the l or the o or the v or the e means..but for me it only means ‘u’…

 Is this love wen I knw u n I cn never be we.. but still cnt help to thnk bout any…..

 Wot is it then..that makes every thng paint blue..make everyone just see you… ther’s nthng I want but happiness for you…

May be great love stories end like this … a sad note… always... 

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

the chapter between...


The morning tea….the times of india…the sports page…my lappie…the orkut…the face book…..

The blogs…of love…of life.. of dreams..of aspirations..of passions

Being me…the critical…the admirer..the stupid…the emotional…the rational.. the fool…

Maa-deta…my family…my cousins..my frnds..n my stupid jipi..

Mba dreams…the bulk of exams…the quants-verbal-di trio…the gd’s n the pi’s..

The reminiscence of 3 beautiful yrs of DRC…the dissections… the DNA-RNA interactions…
The numbers overshadowing them…the words facing a sword on them…n the interpretations analytically nullifying them…
Yet they never ceases to follow them..

The Hudson lane..the vijay nagar…momos n kamla nagar.. the chicken rolls…the alu tikkis…the Xerox machines of patel chest vicinity..

The TT matches..the fun team… the fest organizing team…RD mams PJs…mam sponsored bunks… the talks..my birthday..the pat 4m my mam..the treats,gifts n the beats..

4 yrs..in delhi…4 yrs of life… the DelhiUniv bylanes..the heritage buildings…my college..the irritating IOB staff…the non-working ATMs..

My pg .. my 2nd home… the ever caring n daunting aunty.. her halws n puris.. makke di rotis n sarso the saags..

My teachers…from school to college…from kakoty mam to renu dinkar mam… the college fests… the nexus…the late nights…n the late mornings

The delhi metro…the cycle rides… the life threatening rickshaws…the non meter functioning autos…the cp’s..the rajouri gardens… the janpaths…the assam stall in dilli hut’s..

The 2nd hand books… the movies in batra…the Sunday special TOI…the last week financial crisis… the front row shows in pvr’s…the akshay’s n the hrithiks…the farhan’s n the aamir’s…

From mohit chauhan’s to angarag…from jasca richter to zubeen…the evenings..the power cuts…the antakshris…the anarchy… the missed tunes…the missing lyrics…

The frndz get together..the assam connection…the bhuj’… the chickens n fishes... the cooks n chefs…of photographs n poses..

The legpullings …the care…the bonding we share… of love n frndship which simply is beyond compare…